I spend a lot of time with Elijah. So much time, in fact, that I eagerly look forward to taking a shower because not only can I wash off the spit-up, but I enjoy just a few minutes of having my body to myself.
I can't believe how much I love this little person. It's a love I have never experienced before now. It's as if a new door has been opened in me, and I'm discovering this whole new corridor of myself that wasn't there last year. Being a mom has been stretching me and challenging me. I think it's making me a better person. When I remember myself a few years ago, especially myself in college, I am amazed at what a self-centered person I was (I still am self-centered, but bear with me.). Now, my time is not my own. My sleep is not my own. My body is not my own. This little person is completely reliant on my desire to give up large parts of myself for him.
Motherhood also gives me a whole new appreciation for my own mother. She fed me and clothed me and washed me and kept me warm and cool and dry and alive. It's a wonder to think that we all start out like that: balls of squalling, soft flesh with hungry, toothless mouths who can only survive because of the sacrifice of people whom we never did anything for.
Elijah can sit up with a little support and rolls over like a pro now. Still no signs of crawling, but you can tell he wants to move. He just hasn't figured it out yet. He likes oatmeal. He liked sweet potatoes, but sweet potatoes didn't like him. We're letting him get used to oatmeal on his tummy before adding any new foods.
In other news, my dad is coming back from Afghanistan this week. I'm so excited to show off Elijah to him. He was still in the hospital when Dad left the country, so Elijah will look like a giant to him now.
I am sad not to do anything for Halloween again this year. My original plan fell through, so alas, no festivities this year. I will be carving a pumpkin, dressing up the baby, and taking pictures, though.
My wedding ring broke. I have to take it to get repaired sometime soon. I was bummed. I am borrowing a band from my mother in the meanwhile.
I started a Bible study with the women in my church. I have never really been a Bible study person, and certainly not a 'women's' Bible study, but it's been pretty nice. We are reading the Gospel of John, and I'm learning a lot. It's giving me a place to go every week and a chance to visit with other moms.
I am also trying to get involved in a group for mothers of preemies in my area. They offer a lot of support for parents with babies in the hospital. I would like something good to come out of my experience, so I am hoping to get involved and stay involved. It's such a relief to have mothers to talk to who have been where I've been. It's a terrible place to be alone. I wish I knew about them when Elijah was in the NICU, but better late than never.
AND... I can't think of anything else to say. I am a mom. I cook. I clean. I (try to) sleep. I snuggle with Adam at night and watch TV shows before bed. I am falling into a delightful normalcy. I have plenty of happiness to help me recover from my pregnancy, my delivery, my hospital journey, and my loss of Phil.
Incidentally, Elijah is starting to look at pages when I try to read to him, so I feel the beginning of a whole new phase of our relationship.
