Color Me Crazy

Well, we're pregnant again.

Here are answers to some questions that I suppose you're probably asking.

1. 7 weeks
2. September 18
3. 17 months apart
4. No, it wasn't planned
5. Yes, we know where babies come from
6. Crazy? Maybe. Probably.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous about this pregnancy. I wouldn't characterize myself as suffering from "paralyzing fear" (that would be too dramatic), but maybe a couple of notches down from "terrified."

I am nervous about everything that normal pregnant women are nervous about (miscarriage, defects, nutrition deficiencies, never looking like a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model again) with the added dimension of Knowing What Can Go Wrong. Knowing What Can Go Wrong is a terrible thing, and it just hovers over me all day. 

(Also, may I just say that finding out you are pregnant is a weird thing. It's like someone came up and said, "You are making a person! How exciting! Oh, yeah, and in about 8 months you are going to defy the laws of physics by pushing an object yea big out of a hole yea small as you feel pain like you've never imagined. Isn't it wonderful?" Kind of a mixed bag.)

I've been trying to find an M.D. (no midwives for me this go 'round) who can deliver in my favorite hospital. I've been advised to request a referral to a perinatologist (which I believe is the technical term for a "high-risk doctor") as well, which should put me on the radar for all the things I'm at risk for (a long, long list. Basically, I have a 40% chance of it all happening again - but who's counting?)

In the meanwhile, I'm eating well and taking care of myself. I know a lot more this time about what is good for me. Also, my morning sickness is almost non-existent (I mean, it's there, but only in the morning and no throwing up). I feel a lot better than I did at this point with Elijah. I worry that it means the pregnancy won't 'take,' but whatever it means, I am enjoying not puking my guts out 9 times a day.

I am trying not to be afraid. It doesn't do me a lick of good. 

The baby is the size of a blueberry.